Wow ok it’s been a while but being around certain people really brings me here for some reason, or maybe its the fact I’ve been around my high school friends so much recently. It really takes me back sometimes… In both good and bad ways.

If anyone wants to know how my brain works it basically freaks out every time something good happens in my life because I am scared of it going away

“It’s just a spark, but it’s enough to keep me going”

-paramore

I have had a lot of good days recently. I’m super happy about that for sure. I am a little bummed today. I applied for this position and did not end up getting it. I feel weird though. Like I want to feel ok but I feel like I need to react at the same time. It is a weird feeling

“It’s like a guardian angel that fucks him””it made so much sense at the time” -viv

It took my 3 tries to open this app because my phone hates me

Sometimes when I am coding or moving quickly through the terminal I feel like a bad ass computer hacker or something 

Looking at things in hindsight always make things seem better than they were

I wish I could be more upfront with my parents about how I view things so differently than them. I wish I could show them the person that all of my college friends know. But I don’t feel like they would accept me for who I am or they would want to change me

Sometimes I wish I could communicate with people better. 

I always feel like the outsider. The weird thing though is that I have this friend who makes it her goal for me to know that’s not the case. I have some friends in my life now that make me question the vaildity of a lot of my past friendships. They consistantly remind me of my worth and to not let people walk all over me. They have helped me realize that even at my lowest of lows that we will always be there for eachother to pick eachother.

but if I’m being completely honest I’m scared they are going to become great friends and leave me behind.

This just goes to show how wishy washy my emotions are right now. I feel like I am walking this line of depression just trying not to slip in